The blows kept coming.  One after the other; they never seemed to stop.  I could feel my face going numb.  He punched me in the eye and the next thing I knew, everything was black.
     When I started to come to, I felt gravel on my cheeks.  They were still beating me up.  One final kick to the ribs ended it though.  Their leader spat at me and just barely missed my face.  I stared at the disgusting swab of saliva and listened to him as he called me “faggot.”  
     I softly contradicted him.  “I am not a faggot.”
     I heard a door slam and tires screech.  They were gone.
     It seemed like forever, but finally I felt someone start to pick me up.  I was scared at first, lest it was them coming back for more.  But I sighed with relief as I stared into the eyes of comfort.
     “I’m not even going to ask if you’re okay, because I know that’s a stupid question.”  I smiled a little.  Cain always made me laugh.  He hesitantly put his arm around my waist, unsure of what body parts were safe to touch.  When he hit the right spot, I leaned against him.
     “Come on,” he said quietly.  “Let’s get you home.”
     I groaned with protest, but gave in and staggered down the street, knowing I had nowhere else to go.  Although I’d prefer to go to Cain’s house instead of my own, I knew I couldn’t.  Javis was going over to his house, and I knew my best friend would rather spend time with his seductive boyfriend than baby-sit me.

     My step-father’s silence was worse than the punches I had received.  He wouldn’t even let my mother put ice on my swollen eye and lip.  Throughout dinner, I was faced with the difficult decision of where to lay my eyes.  Like a coward, I stared at my food.  I was afraid to cough, and drank as little as possible.  I was afraid even the slightest movement would upset him more, and I was already in enough pain.  Finally, he spoke:
     "So what happened this time, Noah?  Were you being a smart-ass again?  Did you get ahead of your sixteen year old self and have to have the final say in something—like always?”
     His voice was growing angrier with each syllable.  I softly answered him: “No, Dad.  I didn’t do anything.  It was just…”
     He waited a few moments before pursuing.  “It was just ‘what’, Noah?”
     I bravely shook my head and said in a slightly louder tone, “You wouldn’t understand.”
     He slammed his fork down.  Every plate on our table shook slightly.  My mother started to open her mouth, in hopes of calming her husband, but he silenced her.  
“Don’t you dare talk to me, woman.”  She retreated and went back to her meal.
I stared intensely at my water glass.  I could feel my step-father’s cold eyes on me, but I didn’t dare say another word.  After several seconds of silence, he gave up and left the room.  After a few more seconds, my mother got up and went into the kitchen.  She returned with a bag of ice.
“Here,” she said softly.  “Try putting this on.”
She dabbed at my eye but I pulled away.  I stared at the ceiling and willed my tears not to fall.  
     “Noah.”  My mother’s calm voice shocked me out of my seclusion.  I stared at her.  “Tell me what happened.”
     “They beat me up, Mom.”
     Silence.
     “They beat me up because they thought I was gay.”
     This startled her.  “Why would they think that, Noah?  You haven’t been…doing something…that would…?”
     “No Mom.  God, of course not.  And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell Steven.  He would have jumped to the same conclusion, only he wouldn’t have asked.  He would have assumed and…and probably would have done to me the same thing they did.”
     “No, love, he’s…”  Her voice trailed off.  She bit her lip and quickly got up.  I watched her clear of the table.
     “He’s what, Mom?”
     She looked at me confused at first, then a look of recognition crossed her face.  “Nothing, dear, nothing.  I was just…thinking about something, but don’t worry.  Why don’t you take a shower and get cleaned up, okay?”
     I stared at her for a few moments before agreeing and heading upstairs.  
The hot water felt good against my bruised skin.  It soothed my aching muscles and calmed me.  The glass shower walls soon fogged up.  I thought I heard the bathroom door close, but when I cleared a steamy place in the glass, nothing seemed to be disturbed.  I was too tired to put much thought into anything.  As I ran my fingers through my hair, combing out dried blood and sweat, my thoughts drifted to Cain.  My aches seemed to wash down the drain.

     When I woke up, I felt weight at the end of my bed.  Seconds later, I felt pressure on my lap.  Hands.  Gripping me.  Grabbing me.  My heart beat increased dramatically.  In one rapid movement, I was up and out of bed.  I stared in horror at the outline of my step-father.  I turned on the light and started to yell.
     He quickly got up and rushed towards me.  I didn’t have time to escape before he had his hand over my mouth to conceal my cries for help.  I felt tears side from my eyes and regretted this unwilling movement.  He ignored my crying and threatened:
     “If you tell anyone about this, you will be sorry.  You and your mother both.  Understand?”
     I nodded.  He let go of me and pushed me towards my bed.  I flinched when he slammed the door on his way out.  I turned off the light and huddled under my covers.  I brought my legs up and let everything out.  Over and over again, I thought: why me?  Sleep didn’t even offer a sanctuary from that experience.

     I was relieved as the sun finally peaked into the sky.  When the first rays of light entered through my window, I got up and put some clothes in my backpack.  Downstairs, I was greeted by my mother and her monster of a husband.
     “Where are you going?” she asked, noticing my bag.
     “Um…” I hesitated.  “I’m just going for a walk.  I’m bringing extra clothes in case it gets colder.”
     My step-father eyed me skeptically but didn’t interfere.  Before I opened the door to leave, my mother called my name.  I turned around and saw her standing in the hallway.
     “Noah…something’s wrong.”
     I tried to shrug her off and tell her I’d had a rough night, which was an indirect cry for help.  She seemed to sense this.
     “Noah.  Something is wrong.  I can see it in your eyes.”
     “Don’t you have a demon to attend to?” Another cry for help.
     She was at a loss for words.  I could see the hurt look on her face, but it didn’t bother me.  
     “I’m leaving.”  I closed the door before she could say anything more.
     The winter air was brisk and embraced my face like a homicidal ice cube.   
     “You’d better be home.”
     Minutes later the door opened and a sleepy-eyed Cain stood in front of me.  He stared at me in confusion.
     “Let me in.  I’m freezing.”
     He started to protest as I entered.  “Noah…wait…what?  Noah, what the hell are you doing here?”
     “Are you busy?”  I was surprised and slightly offended at his cold welcome.
     “Well, yeah,” he replied bluntly.  “So I’d appreciate it if you got the hell out.”
     “Cain…” I started.  My soft voice calmed him a bit.  “I really need my best friend right now.”
     He sighed.  During this preoccupation, I headed towards his living room.
     “Where are you parents?” I called.  He dashed to my side.
     “They’re out,” he said quickly.  “Come to my room or something.  We can talk there.”
     My eyes fell upon a naked, sleeping body on the couch.  I looked over at Cain’s bare chest and moaned.  He rolled his eyes in response.
     “Cain I just worry about you.  That’s all.  You’re my age and you get with so many people and…I just worry.”  
     “Well don’t,” he commanded.  “I’m supposed to take care of you, remember?”
     He attacked me in a hug.  Although it upset some of my wounds, I couldn’t help but laugh.  Javis groaned and shifted positions.  
     “Come on,” Cain grabbed my wrist.  “I must shield your heterosexual eyes from my boyfriend’s beautiful ass.”  He laughed and playfully pulled me into his bedroom.
     Once there, he sat me down on his bed and retreated to his closet.  “So,” he said, pulling a HIM shirt over his lean torso, “what’s up?”
     “Come here,” I said.  “It’s kind of serious.”
     He sat next to me with a look of concern in his hazel eyes.  “What’s wrong?”
     I took a deep breath.  “I don’t know how to tell you.  I don’t know what to say.”
     “Just say whatever you can.  Tell me everything.”
     I closed my eyes and leaned back on his bed.  My head landed on his pillow and I could smell his alluring shampoo.  He lied down next to me.  I felt his warm breath pierce through my thin shirt and land against my side.  It felt wrong, but I didn’t want to move.
     “Noah?”  He fingered my hair.
     I sat up abruptly.  “Cain, please.  You know I’m not—”
     “I know.”  His voice was short.  I stared down at him.  He told me, “Speak.  Tell me why you came here.  Something obviously upset you, and I want to help.”
     I didn’t know how to set him up.  “Steven molested me last night.”
     I unexpectedly burst into tears.  He sat up and put his arms around me—holding me, sheltering me.
     Embarrassed, I wiped off my tears and pushed his comforting arms away.  He asked, “Did you tell your mom?”
     “God no.  How could I tell her that?”
     He stared at me.
     “Cain!”  Javis’ sing-song voice broke the silence.  
     My best friend sighed and told me he had to go.  I resented this and begged him not to.
     “Just…I have to.”  He looked at me with pitying eyes.  “Come to me if he does anything else.  He won’t try anything during the day, though, so it’s safe to go home for now.  And try to talk to your mom.”  He got up to leave.
     “Cain—”
     “Shh.”  He put a finger to his lips.  “Don’t make Javis think I’m cheating on him.”  
He smiled and left the room.  Defeated, I snuck out through the kitchen.  Before I left, I peaked into the living room and saw Cain giving sexy kisses to Javis.  I was disgusted when I felt a slight twinge in my stomach.  My best friend was giving intimate attention to his boyfriend, and I felt jealous.

     “Where’s Steven?”
     My mother turned off the television.  “He was called to the office.  Why?”
     Thank God.  “I was just asking.”  
     I started to go to my room, but stopped and turned around.  “Actually, Mom, I need to talk to you.  About Steven.”
     She bit her lip and in an insecure voice said, “Okay, sure.  Shoot.”
     I sat down beside her.  “I think it was a mistake marrying him.  I know you’re not happy with him.  You had happier times with Dad.”
     She relaxed some as she realized this was a conversation we’d had before.  “Noah…”
     “No, I’m serious Mom.  He’s not good.  He’s…awful.  Horrible.”
     “Explain to me dear.  I know he can be pretty harsh at times, but it’s just his nature.  He only wants you to be the best you can be.”
     I scoffed at this.  “Never mind Mom.  This isn’t going where I want it to go.  I don’t have anything to say.”
     “Noah—”
     As soon as I closed my bedroom door, I heard the door to the Mercedes slam shut.  Steven was home.

     By the time I reached Cain’s house, I was out of breath.  I banged on his front door and prayed he wasn’t out partying.  My prayers were answered.
     “Dammit, Noah.  Do you know what time it is?  What the hell is your problem?”
     His eyeliner was smeared and I feared a naked Javis was in his bed.  When he saw my distraught face, he calmed down and let me in.
     “He did it again?”
     I gulped and nodded.
     “Dammit.  Noah…God I’m so sorry.  This is truly unbelievable.  Come here.”
He took me into his arms and this time I didn’t fight it.  I sunk into his warm body and let my tears fall onto his chest.  I could scarcely breathe.  
     We fell to the floor.  He started stroking my hair and whispered, “He’s such an asshole.  And you’re mother doesn’t care, does she?  You’re life is so wasted.  You don’t know what love is, so I’m going to show you love.  I’m going to give you love.  Come on.”
He pulled me up and led me upstairs to his room.  I was relieved to see a Javis-less bed.  I headed towards his dark satin sheets, but he pulled me in a different direction.
     “No, no,” his voice was soft.  “Come out here.”
He led me onto the balcony.  The moonlight illuminated his features.  His eyes shown, but I felt like there was something other than care reflecting in them.  He gently stroked my cheek.
     “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.  “You’re so beautiful and you won’t let me have you.  You tease me all the time.  I hate this, my love.”
     I was unsure of what to do.  It felt good to be getting this kind of attention from him, but in a way I didn’t like it.
     “I’ve tried to make you mine, but you wouldn’t have me.  Now, I’m going to get what I want, like always.  Stay here.”
     He went back into his bedroom and returned a few minutes later with something in his hands.  The moonlight reflected off of a pair of shiny handcuffs.  He smiled at me.  I tried to back away, but realized there was nowhere to go.  He was blocking the door, and behind me was the balcony’s railing.
     “Cain, please…” I begged.  “What are you doing?”
     “I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do, only I have to force it.  You won’t give it to me willingly, and I’m sick of waiting.  I want you Noah.  I love you.”
     He forced me down a bit and chained me to the railing.  I tried to struggle away, but his calmness about the situation seduced me in a way.  He slowly began to take off my clothes; first my shoes, next my pants…
     He then undressed himself.  He put his naked body behind mine and whispered in my ear, “Noah.”
He rubbed his hands all over my body, sending unpleasant shivers up my spine.  “Noah,” he continued.  “Don’t hate me Noah.  This is me loving you.  This is my love…I’ve always loved you.”
When his cold hands started touching my skin harder—enjoying me—I knew my best friend was gone.

     Two hours later, I was still handcuffed outside staring at the sleeping lump on Cain’s bed.  The bitter December wind attacked me unmercifully, but I preferred its embrace over my best friend’s.  Crushed, I leaned against the railing and started sobbing.  I brought my knees up to my chest in attempt to shield my naked, abused body, but even that much self-contact made me feel dirty.
     Through my clouded vision, I saw disturbance in the darkness of Cain’s room.  Moments later, he was crouched down in front of me, staring into my eyes, and giving me a bitter-sweet smile.  He reached towards me and started to brush hair from my eyes.  I quickly turned my head away.
     “What’s wrong?”  He sounded confused.
     “How can you ask me that?” I spat at him.  “How dare you ask me that.”
     He didn’t reply.  Growing impatient, I told him, “Let me go.”
     He still seemed confused.  “Why do you want to leave me?  I love you.  I—”
     “Don’t.  Don’t say that, Cain.  You don’t love me.”
     “But I do—”
     “No.”  My sharp tone softened slightly as I felt the oncoming of more tears.  “I trusted you and you betrayed me.  How could you have done that to me Cain?  I came to you when I needed you most, and you turned out to be just like him!  Why would you want to hurt me?”
     “I…” he stuttered with a loss for words.  Then his expression turned cold.  “Are you going to press charges or something?”
     I stared at him.  My mind was screaming “yes”, but strangely my heart still yearned for what used to be, and I was afraid pressing charges would ruin any chance of us ever setting things straight.
     “Are you?” he asked again.  I could hear the anger and sense the hysteria rising in his voice, but I couldn’t answer.  My morals and feelings were at war with one another.
     “Just let me go,” I replied.  “I need to get away from you and...”
     He got up and walked inside.
     Almost immediately, he returned with an outfit in his hands.  He set the clothes down at my feet, pulled a key from his pocket, and reached behind me.  In seconds, I felt the restraint on my wrists loosen, and at last I was freed.
     As I was grabbing the clothes to leave, Cain put his hand on mine, stopping me.  I flinched but looked into his once comforting eyes.  He started to say something, but I could sense it would be of no importance to me.
     I stood up before the words came from his mouth, and this time he didn’t try to stop me.  When I reached his door, I hesitated.  I contemplated looking back, for old time’s sake, but decided against it.  
     “Goodbye Noah,” I heard Cain whisper.
     When I reached the front door, fully clothed, I wondered if my best friend was still huddled outside, perhaps waiting for me to come back.  It didn’t take long to decide it didn’t matter.  I opened the door and as I stepped out, whispered to the empty hallway, “Goodbye Cain.”